Marauders in Muggleland
by Divine Sanity
Summary: Lily invites the Marauders over for a little TV, and a couple laughs, but when an unexpected guest, causes them to leave the house, they turn Muggle London upside down, and all around. A humor fic.


A/N: This idea came to me in a dream, don't ask, just read 

Disclaimer: I am unoriginal and can't think of any ideas of my own, so I read other peoples' books and write about them, which is why I have to do this. I own nothing you recognize, though I wish I owned Sirius, even Remus would do, sadly I own none of them, so the best a lowly author like me can do is write about them.

Setting: It's the summer after their 7th year and the marauders are at Lily's house

Chapter 1 

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            The phone rang; now normally, this would have resulted in someone going to answer it, however in the Evans household this created a mix of reactions. Sirius stood up with his shoe in the air, ready to slap the incriminating object. Remus and James had their wands out to curse the source of the noise into oblivion. Peter didn't hear it over the chomping of his own mouth. Lily smiled and went to get it. "Don't worry men, Lily will take care of it!" James sat down on the ground; his legs stretched out in front of him and his hands in his lap, and went back to watching the fun little box with moving pictures. Sirius shrugged and sat back down as well, Remus followed suit and all was well, till the commercials. James and Remus voted to change the channel. Sirius however was watching the Britney Spears, Pepsi ad, and was quite entranced. Peter was oblivious to the commotion, he was still eating. Remus squinted at the little buttons on the remote. "Eenpoot, that sounds German, I wonder what it does! " (A/N: He means input) Remus flipped the switch and the TV went black. Sirius screamed, "AAAAHHH! DEATHEATERS HAVE TAKEN OVER LILY'S VELLYTISION!" James stood up, "No need to panic, I'll just stun it!" he whipped out his wand, "STUPEFY!" he bellowed, a jet of red light shot out from his wand-tip, and hit the TV. Needless to say that caused a big problem. The TV blew up in a large, exaggerated explosion. To top it all off, a fly flew over the rubble, triggering Sirius to whip off his shoe and smack wildly in all directions to get rid of the perpetrator. Peter was still eating. 

**************************Meanwhile****************************

            "Ok, bye!" Lily hung up the phone, and went back downstairs, and sighed, this would take forever to clean up.

 She grabbed Sirius by the back of his shirt and set him down on the ground, she took she shoe from his hand and put it on his foot. He crossed his arms and glared at her like a little kid who just got a timeout from his parents, but he said nothing. 

Lily then proceeded to smack James 'round the head, and deprive him of wand privileges for the rest of the day.

 She next turned to Peter, he looked disgusting, there was sugar smeared all around his mouth and his lap was covered in crumbs. He seemed completely unaware of all that was going on around him until Lily took away, the many bags of food that surrounded him. "HEY!" he shouted, engaging in a fierce tug-of-war game in which Lily emerged the victor. She threw every single chip, candy, and god-knows –what else into the garbage, set all four boys on the couch, and cast a silencing charm on the four pranksters.

 "Oh good god, that's definitely not fixable!" she said finally, glancing at the debris that once had the shape and form of a television. She had envisioned this to be a regular day, she would show the guys her muggle things, let them watch a bit of TV, and maybe go out to lunch somewhere. Pointless to tell you now, that it had all gone wrong. She sat down next to her four so-called friends and stared at them wondering how people with such innocent, good-looking faces could turn out to mean a day in hell.

  The atmosphere was silent for all of six minutes, and then the front door flew open. Lily groaned, and forced the marauders under the couch, trying to make it look as if it's a normal, everyday event to be sitting in the living room on a couch that definitely wasn't that puffy before, and watching a TV that looked as if it had been transported to Evil Energizer Bunny land, and had gotten pounded to a pulp by the cute pink bunnies and their drum mallets.

It was Petunia, "I thought your freak friends were coming today!" she said, catching sight of Lily, "Good Lord! What happened to the TV? I'll definitely inform our mother about this!" Petunia's face lit up in a sickening glee. 

There was a muffled thump from underneath the couch, Lily stuck her foot under the couch and kicked hard, there was a bang and the couch flew upward, and out emerged three tall, muscular boys, and one short, fat, shrimp. (A/N: Couldn't resist adding that!) The three tall ones' eyes were blazing, and the short, fat one slipped away to the kitchens unnoticed.

"SIRI!" Petunia shrieked, neither magic nor muggle could withstand Sirius' strange powers, he could lure in any girl, even Petunia Evans. She threw her arms around his neck and looked up into his eyes in what she thought was a "seductive look".

Lily lifted the silencing charm just to see poor Sirius' reaction. "Um, uh, er," that was all he seemed capable of saying.

"Did you miss me?" Petunia asked, running a finger down his cheek and giggling in a way only she could think was flirtatious. 

"You know what?" Lily asked "I think James, Remus, Peter, and me had somewhere to be in about five minutes, so we'll leave you two lovebirds at it.

The four of them ran three blocks down to the bus stop and collapsed on the bench. "Did you see his face?" James asked, slapping his knee, and laughing so hard that he caused passersby to stare. Remus was close to tears, and Lily was so red in the face you couldn't distinguish her face from her hair. Peter seemed completely unmindful of the events around him, he was thinking about food. 

It took almost seventeen minutes to get their breath back. By which time, a large black dog bounded down the pavement furiously. When the street was clear of all people except the five of them it pushed James and Remus down, obviously angry.

Suddenly, the dog leaped high into the air, it's body lengthened, the hair disappeared, and left standing there was Sirius, the buttons of his shirt were open half-way down his chest and his face was covered in bright red marks that looked suspiciously like Petunia's lipstick.

Lily opened her mouth to apologize, but Sirius held up his hand. "Don't ask," then, he forced happiness into his voice while buttoning up his shirt, and wiping the red off his face with a handkerchief. "So what's the plan?"

"Well, I was thinking we could take the bus to the Leaky Cauldron and spend some time in Diagon Alley, and since I really am not in the mood to throw up my insides, we are going to take a muggle bus," Lily replied coolly, spotting the bus, and stepping up to the curb.  "But," James protested

Lily cut him off, "Since you are my boyfriend, you must learn to abide by my wishes, therefore, we take the muggle bus," "But!" James tried to intervene once again, but to no avail, sighing he followed Remus onto the bus.

"I'll pay!" offered Remus pulling a large bag of coins from his pocket, he counted out 4 galleons and 17 sickles, and he offered them to the driver, who looked very confused. 

Lily was horrified, "NO REMUS! She pushed her way to the front of the group and pushed a few bills into the driver's hand, "I'm sorry, my friends are slightly touched in the head," she said apologetically, shoving Remus, Peter, and Sirius toward the back of the bus, hoping James would follow, but that was a mistake.

"HOT CHOCOLATE! I bet even you muggles know what hot chocolate is!" James was telling the driver, "I'm positive my girlfriend paid for hot chocolate, she always buys hot chocolate when we ride the knight b…." Lily clapped a hand over James' mouth and heaved him into a nearby seat. "Do not open your mouth!" she said sharply. Remus and Sirius took the seat behind them and Peter, the seat behind that. 

"Oooh! Muggles think up such interesting names for their stores!" James said, pointing out a subway to Lily. "_Dillards, Mc'Donalds, Borders too! Gateway, Staples, LONG'S DRUGSSSS!!!" _he sang at the top of his lungs. Remus joined in as well. 

Sirius became bored, and stared at the ceiling, when suddenly a long cord caught his eye. It looked like a string, he liked strings! He reached up and gave it a sharp tug. 

The bus came to an abrupt stop. The bus driver looked back and squinted suspiciously at the strange people he was transporting. Sirius pulled off his innocent look that never once worked in Mcgonagal's  class, but managed to fool the bus driver.

The driver, whose name was P. Diddy, kept driving. (A/N: Don't ask, I switched on the radio and that was the first name that came on and I was too lazy to think of my own name so P. Diddy it is!)

All was well 'till the next stop, when three people got on, two sisters (one who was in high school and the other was in kindergarten), and a delusional homeless person. 

The two sisters slid into an empty seat and the homeless person sat next to Peter, and the bus kept rolling. The little sister broke into song, "The wheels on the bus go ROUND and ROUND! ROUND and ROUND! The wheels on the bus go ROUND and ROUND! All, through, the tooooooowwwwwwnnnn!" she added her own little hand movements, Sirius watched with immense interest, joining in after some time.

The homeless person was really quite scary. From a ragged coat, he extracted a dirty, yellow, rubber duck, and he also started to sing, "Rubber Duckie, you're the one! You make bath time lots of fun! Rubber Duckie I'm awfully fond of you! Woo woo be doo!" (A/N: This is the song is from Sesame Street)

~FROM P. DIDDY'S POINT OF VIEW~

"_Subway, Rubber Duckie, Swish, Swish, Swish, You're the one! J.C. Penney, fond of you! Round and Round!"_ P. Diddy had, had enough; he pulled over, "EVERYBODY OUT!" he bellowed furiously.

A/N: Cliffie! You guys know what to do! Please? I really need ideas! This is really all that I could muster, most of my ideas were used on the Marauder Magazine, and so I really need you guys' help on this one! The first three people to review will be featured as characters in the story. I can't tell you what character you'll be used as, that'll just ruin the surprise, but you have to include a name you want to go by in the story, ok? See ya!

~The Divine One


End file.
